Showing posts with label Musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Musings. Show all posts

Sunday, August 04, 2013

Big News

I'm finally back, with Big News.  The past year has been one of unrelenting stress, trying to manage work, parenting, homeschooling, household cooking, laundry and cleaning, church and friends and more.  We've known something had to change, but it has taken us a long time to weigh our options and figure out what to do to regain balance.  I just worked my last day at the office two weeks ago and will be doing part-time work from home for now.  After two crazy weeks of staging our home, we have contacted a realtor and will be listing our house next week.  If we are able to sell our home, we will be out of debt and would be able to afford to be a one-income family. 

A greater aspect of our move is that we will begin a church plant.  We have been studying church planting for years and have been very excited over the past year by proponents of the missional model (Hugh Halter, Alan Hirsch, etc.) and we are very excited to begin working towards that vision.  Bearing in mind Tim Keller's advice that church planting be focused in urban settings for greatest impact, we would look to move into a low-income, urban neighborhood.

So for two reasons, a potential move will begin a wonderful new season for us.  I would be able to stay home and focus on educating our children, and we would have more space in our lives to build God's Kingdom.  But, of course, this has been a very difficult decision to make.  It will be so hard to leave behind meaningful friendships and family and our beautiful home that we have loved for seven years.  I am anxious for the boys as we make a change that will be painful for them, and it is also hard not having a definitive timetable.  Once our house is listed, it could take weeks or months or maybe even years to sell.  Logan will be able to work remotely, so there is security in that.  And we are in God's hands, so there is tremendous peace in that! 

Once the craziness of cleaning, patching, painting, repairing, packing up clutter, etc. is over this week, I will slowly begin to catch up here.  Lots of memories to immortalize from the past several months!  Your prayers, love and support are very much appreciated and coveted. 

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

For Your Reading Pleasure

I just read a great article that I wanted to share, and then I was inspired to share some other exceptional links too:

6 No-Nos for Relating to Your Man, which reminded me of Shaunti Feldman's book, For Women Only: What Women Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men.  I read it a few years ago and learned a lot.  I highly recommend!  In a related vein, I came across this article, Marriage is for Losers, a couple months ago.  All three go along with the same theme:  Marriage is about Gospel-reenactment, laying down your own life on a daily basis for another.  Good stuff.

Unrelated - a fabulous article on home schooling, My Education in Home Schooling, and a theological look at poverty, Let Them Eat Cake, which reminded me of a book that stunned me in seminary: Amazing Grace: Children and the Conscience of a Nation.  Your heart will be broken if you take the time to read this book about the children of the South Bronx, our nation's poorest community.

I've been wanting to summarize two books I read while we were in NC, but it's not looking good for that, time-wise.  I'll just mention them here and maybe we'll be able to chat about them one day. Darrell Hammond's memoir, God, If You're Not Up There, I'm *$@%*, (yes, the language is foul...yes, it is poignant and heart-wrenching and funny and very much worth your time), and then Dr. Kevin Leeman's book, What Your Childhood Memories Say About You.  Dr. Leeman is the same author of The Birth Order Book, which I have yet to read but has been on my list for many years.

While I was looking up links on my Facebook page, I was inspired again by quotes I've shared there.  It's easier for me to keep track of what's on my mind here, so I'm copying and pasting.  :)

"When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less."  - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

“Worry is not believing God will get it right, and bitterness is believing God got it wrong.” - Tim Keller

"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway." - Mother Theresa

"Whatever we sow in our secret thoughts and attitudes, we will reap. If we sow love, kindness and forgiveness, we will reap in kind. If we sow generosity and gratitude, we will never feel poor. If we sow hope and praise, we will reap joy and a strong faith." (Author unknown)

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Miscellaneous News--Monumental and Mundane

Here is a quick update on Perry Happenings:
  • Logan made partner at work!  I think he signed the paperwork a month ago.  And this week, Mo and Jen gave him an iPhone!  He's moving up in the world, or at least at Osman Page. I'm very proud! :)
  • I've been working part-time from home for Osman Page since August, and last week Mo and Jen offered me a full-time position.  So this week, I started going in to the office at 6:45 to 10:45 and then I do the other twenty hours/week from home, during Abbey's nap and after the kids go to bed at night.  Mom is keeping the kids in the morning for me and Logan is pitching in with the housework.  Crazy how quickly this happened!  We are so grateful to God for providing this added income!  It looks like we'll be able to finally get ahead of our debt by the end of this year!
  • Josiah had to go to the dentist this week for what was supposed to be an easy and quick procedure to seal a couple places where he's chipped his teeth, grinding them in his sleep.  I talked Mom into taking the kids because it was going to be nothing and I didn't want to get behind on my hours at work...but it turned out to be quite a traumatic visit.  They gave him a Novocaine shot and drilled and everything.  This poor kid is going to hate the dentist for the rest of his life!  And they're only half-way done, so he has to go back in a couple weeks.  I feel so bad!
  • At my cleaning a couple months ago, I found out I had four cavities, so I just had two filled this week and two last week.  Yuck.  I think my teeth were weakened during pregnancy, or at least that's what I generally blame for my ailments. I actually enjoyed my outings all by myself, though!  :)
  • I'm singing in my friend Amber's Beatles musical, "Here, There and Everywhere."  Right now we're practicing Wednesday nights for a workshop performance happening May 18th, and then the full production will be in October.  She gave me "Blackbird" for my solo.  Fun, fun!
  • Amber, Lisa and I went to see Michael Flatley's "Lord of the Dance" at the Merrill Auditorium in Portland a couple weeks ago.  SO fun to get out with some girlfriends!  
  • We've been getting the boys up to use the bathroom one last time before we hit the hay, and we've been saving quite a bit on pull-ups and very rarely have to change their sheets in the middle of the night.  I am also sleeping soundly through the night for the first time in a very loooooooong time!
  • Abigail is developing quite the sense of humor!  And she loves to adorn herself with jewelry, hats and other people's shoes and then hunt down her Daddy to show off her fashions.  Her hair is getting longer but I can't keep a bow or hair tie in for more than a minute before she pulls it out.
  • Josiah and Benjamin measure time in terms of "How many days until Friday?" because of their weekly sleep over with Papa.  We have this discussion on a daily basis.  Last Friday, dad told me Josiah called him at 6:30 in the morning to ask when he could come over. :)
  • We planted some seedlings a couple weeks ago and they've already sprouted!  The boys are thrilled. They can't wait to get the actual garden started.
  • We've been having great weather, so the boys have been able to play outside for hours every day.  And Abigail loves to get into the sandbox!  She always screams and cries pitifully when I pick her up to go back inside.
I guess that just about sums things up in a nut shell.  G'night! 

Monday, March 26, 2012

Wounded Soldier


Yesterday, we visited a new church.  The pastor's sermon was on the thorn in Paul's flesh.  Paul was listing off the many accomplishment and experiences that he could use to defend his authority, which some were questioning, but then said such boasting was meaningless--it was his weaknesses that made him strong.  There was a "thorn in his flesh," whatever it may have been, that kept him dependent upon God, and God's power was made greater in Paul's weakness. The pastor gave an excellent analogy--as a young man, he worked on the grounds crew on a college campus.  His boss made sure that he didn't water the flowers too much, because if they were never thirsty, they wouldn't grow their roots deep.  I would encourage you to read this article on the Stages of Faith, which demonstrates how going through a crisis of faith actually brings you to a much deeper faith.  Because we are refined by fire, we can "count it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds."   

This poem, entitled "Wounded Soldier," was written by an MK (missionary kid) from Paraguay, Lori Higham.  It appeared in the New Tribes Mission magazine, "Common," in 1996.  It was shared last week in a Facebook group for MKs and TCKs (third culture kids) who attended a boarding school in Bolivia where there was a lot of abuse, so it is a place to reconnect with old friends as well as to offer encouragement and support to those who have been through the wringer because of difficult experiences at our Alma Mater.  It is long, but very powerful and worth the read.  It corresponds to the Stages of Faith model--as we grow more and more into Christ's image through the refining fire of trials, we will greater reflect His love to others.


Wounded Soldier

I started out to be a Perfect Soldier.
I thought I'd be God's Light to all the world,
a light to make them turn and look in wonder
and realize all the greatness of my Lord.

But then somehow it seemed a little selfish
that I should want to shine as Number One -
the light I had, and zeal, had shown me problems
that simply must be changed in everyone.

And so I tried to be a Helping Soldier
and point out everything that they should know,
exposing every area that needed worked on
so they could clean their lives up - and grow!!

I hung my lamp of 'Truth' outside my window
to help them see their neediness and sin
but then a friend reminded me that Jesus
came to meet and love us, not condemn.

And so I tried to be an Approving Soldier.
I'd let others know that I knew they meant well.
I would find the good in all their efforts
and never mention sin, judgment, or hell.

I helped others see their own true greatness!
But, somewhere, I got hurt along the way,
believing there to be a heart of goodness
in selfishness and piercing stabs they gave.

I trusted them, expecting they would be there
when I fell down, to understand my cry,
but then I realized they were standing, waiting,
not to help me up, but to watch me die.

Tears streamed down my face and drowned my lamp out
and it just hurt so much I crumpled down,
not caring anymore who didn't love me,
not caring anymore who took my crown.

Everybody saw my lonely aching
as my 'Christian peace' turned to a hopeless cry.
With no more 'good' I'd tried so hard to show them,
no more joy, and no more strength to try.

Darkness came and with it cold and hunger
and tears and tears of emptiness and shame.
One by one they walked away and left me
with nothing but my broken dreams and pain.

Then, through the black of night, I felt a teardrop
as someone came and took me by the hand
and whispered, "Jesus loves you, Wounded Soldier,
you see. He knew just how much you could stand".

I felt her teardrops falling on my forehead
as tenderly she opened up my eyes
and said, 'You see, a new dawn is breaking
and a new day, with a beautiful sunrise".

She said, "And see, there's other wounded soldiers'.
I sat up, surprised, and looked around
and gasped in shock at all the wounded soldiers
hurting, bleeding, crumpled on the ground.

I listened to their sobbing and how it hurt me!
I knew the awful pain they were crying of.
Then she asked me, "Can you see them now, to help them?
Jesus said, 'They'll know you by your love'".

I turned then and saw her for the first time
I caught my breath and didn't know what to say.
Her young face and neck were scarred from battles
and one of her arms had been shot away.

She'd been through trials so much worse than I had
yet she cared for me, and knew my pain was real.
Her eyes shone with courage, truth and mercy
and the loving hand she still had, she used, to heal.

I thanked and thanked her but she only answered,
"One truly suffered, far more than have we
and Jesus knew that pain was what we needed
to wash our eyes with tears so we can see.

Jesus didn't die because we deserved it
or because we had some 'greatness' deep inside.
He didn't get a bargain when He loved us.
He paid His blood for emptiness and pride."

Then, as she finished speaking, she reached over
and gently lit my lamp that almost died
but tenderly she moved it from the window
and placed it in my heart of hearts inside.

She said, "You see, our Lord must do the shining
and, yes, His truth will surely reveal sin
but it's not ours to tear others down and change them.
It's ours to be there and help them try again!"

And then she smiled as quietly she told me
"I'm a servant of our Savior up above".
"I know," I said, and truly knew as I remembered
that Jesus said, "They'll know you by your love."

Jesus didn't make us Hero Warriors
who stand away from those different than we
but He gave us hearts to care and hurt with people
and tears to wash our eyes so we can see.

Our eyes, to look and find the Wounded Soldiers.
He gave us ears so we can hear them cry,
tender hands to reach out and touch them
and never let a Wounded Soldier die!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Bringing the Boys to Church

Every Sunday morning, Josiah protests when he finds out we're going to church that day. We've been attending our church for eight months, and I've just recently discovered why Josiah has been disappointed when "Church Day" rolls around each week. I switched from, "We're going to church, so behave yourself," to, "Why is it that you don't want to go to church?" "Because there aren't any toys at our new church!"

Practically speaking, other churches we've attended have been easier for us. The services last an hour and our kids are shuffled off pretty early on to the nursery, where they play with toys for 45 minutes and hate to leave when it's time to go. Logan and I could sit and enjoy the peacefulness of free childcare. Josiah and Benjamin are 'wiggle bums' and it's hard to take them anywhere, much more so a quiet service where everyone is sitting still for long periods of time.

Philosophically speaking, I believe that families should worship together, that children should remain with their parents so that they can learn the tenets and traditions of our faith. While corporate worship is the reason we gather together, another primary purpose of the church is to educate its people. A good deal of this occurs during the service itself.

Something I realized after this short exchange with Josiah was that he was getting an inappropriate message about church when we let him refer to Sunday as "Church Day." Sunday is The Lord's Day. The boys know the 10 Commandments, so we've been reminding them that we are remembering the Sabbath and keeping it holy when we go to church. We've also been pointing out to them that just like their mommy and daddy delight in their songs and affection here at home, God delights in our worship of Him.

The church we attend now is a great place for the education of our children. The service lasts from 2 up to 2 1/2 hours. Families worship together and go forward together to give tithes and alms. During the sermon itself, which can last up to an hour sometimes, the kids go downstairs for a Bible lesson and craft. It is hard and often stressful for us to keep the boys quiet and still for an hour to an hour and a half upstairs, but I am grateful that we found a place where the kids are learning that church is about God, not just another playdate with friends.

Thursday, December 01, 2011

An impromptu update

I don't really have time for blogging right now. Logan will be home in a little while, and I have a cookie-making-session to clean up from, dinner to make, and the house to pick up. All in 80 minutes. But the boys just went outside to play with their neighbor friend, I have lovely Christmas music playing, a somewhat tepid cup of coffee waiting for me, and I've had some little things on my mind this week that I want to put to 'paper'. It's been too long since I've journaled any family updates here.

Let's start at the top. Logan loves his job! What a truly amazing blessing from God! The accounting/IT firm he works for will be branching out to do taxes for the first time this winter, so Logan will be getting certified for that. Should make for a very busy winter. Logan is also excited to be going home for Christmas. Two weeks from tomorrow! Where did the time go?

Josiah and Benjamin were in an amazing phase of good behavior that lasted about two weeks. We should have knocked on some wood quick when we started to mention to others how good they'd been! The past couple of weeks we've been dealing with some real mischievious rascals! I'm thinking they're jacked up from the holidays, and so we're probably stuck in this behavior pattern for another month, at least. Lord help us!!! We've been getting sass, temper tantrums, whining, deliberate defiance, etc. etc. etc. Good times. An example from yesterday: I leave the boys alone for three minutes and return to find them "making brownies" in the kitchen. They had pulled a chair to the pantry, got a chocolate pudding mix out, poured about four cups of water over it in a mixing bowl, and poured the mixture into a funny brownie pan that I have in which the bottom just happens to lift out of it...so the watery mess had poured out all over my kitchen table and floor. And sitting in the middle of the chocolate puddle was Abigail. That's what I get for trying to take a potty break!

---Phone call from dear Bree, boys return too soon, time to make dinner, get Abbey to bed, feed the three men, celebrate Advent together, shower the boys, bedtime stories, dishes...and back to the blog.---

Abigail still practices taking a few steps between adults every day, but she's not brave enough to strike out on her own and risk getting hurt. We decorated our fake tree Sunday night, and Monday morning she pulled it over one herself! Unlike her brothers at her age, she seems to have learned her lesson and is leaving the tree alone now. She has started to call out "Josiah" when she wants her brothers. She is jabbering more and more in her soft little voice, but not adding too many words yet.

We hosted Thanksgiving last week and infected half our family with the flu. Oops! Now I'm in Christmas-mode. We've decorated the house, I've bought 90% of my gift list, made my calendars, and the boys and I made some sugar cookies today. Josiah was so eager to begin our Advent tradition that Friday afternoon, he stuck last year's candles into our harvest flower arrangement, jutting out in all kinds of directions. We're singing carols, working through the Shorter Catechism, reading a chapter in their Bible, and praying "Advent" prayers -- thanking God for sending His Son to rescue us and for forgiving our sins. We're slowly beginning to teach them the Apostle's Creed. On Saturday, we took the boys to the Railway Village to see Santa. Benjamin kept telling us, with his adorable lisp, "This is the bestest night ever!!! I'm so excited!"

That gives a very minimal update for posterity's sake--I'm looking forward to ordering my blog book for 2011! Must capture the memories! :) I'll have more holiday photos to share after this weekend, when Santa comes to the Harbor. 'Tis the season to be jolly--I hope you are all enjoying your family and remembering the Reason for the season.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

How I Changed My Mind About...

...Women in Ministry





I was preoccupied this past winter with a controversial train of thought...at least it is in the conservative Evangelical world that I inhabit. You can ask Logan or my cleaning buddy Bree just how much this was on my mind! I've debated whether or not to share this here on the blog, and decided I would like to point out some excellent resources and document my train of thought for my own record.





First of all, it is important for me and others to acknowledge that our understanding is limited. As we dig into God's word and grow in our relationship with Him, our understanding grows and we continually learn new things about God's Truth. Our perspectives are also shaped by our unique influences and experiences, and we often do not see how our culture, upbringing, religion, etc. have led us to certain conclusions. As Mark Twain said, it's not what a man doesn't know that's the problem. It's what he thinks he knows that is in fact not true. So I offer these thoughts in humility; this is what I have come to believe about women in ministry, but I may be mistaken, just as those who disagree with me may be mistaken. The important thing is that we eagerly seek God's heart in the matter.





My winter journey began with a Bible study. In January, our "Beth Moore groupies" started her series called, "The Inheritance." You can listen to this series and many more for free online!













In a nutshell, this 9-part series talks about what exactly we have inherited as co-heirs with Christ when we were adopted as sons and daughters by God. According to Beth, our inheritance includes God's Presence, People, and Property - a sphere of influence to build God's Kingdom. The borders of this property includes Intimacy with God, Our Pasts, Our Experiences, and Our Spiritual Gifts. We must take ownership of each bit of our property for God's glory, or else the Enemy will walk on it. Obviously, that barely encapsulates 9 hours of teaching. "The Inheritance" got me SO excited about being an "heiress", and eager to "claim" my inheritance by fulfilling my calling. Which got me thinking quite a bit about my calling...




...when I saw the former Dean of Chapel from Gordon College post a link on Facebook to a book he was recommending:









I ordered the book and read it within days of receiving it (a remarkable feat for a mother of three little ones!). In this book, "Well-known Evangelical leaders---individuals and couples, males and females from a broad range of denominational affiliation and ethnic diversity---share their surprising journeys from a more or less restrictive view to an open inclusive view that recognizes a full shared partnership of leadership in the home and in the church based on gifts not gender." I was familiar with many of the 27 authors, so it was wonderful to read their personal testimonies on this topic.





I highly recommend this book. It got me thinking about how my chapter would read, which is a good exercise for anyone--to examine how you have reached your conclusion on this topic. My abbreviated chapter would go like this: I have loved the Lord and the Church for as long as I can remember. A hierarchical view of authority in the Church had always made sense to me. I believed that Paul's teaching very clearly gives men "headship" in the church and home. I never questioned that or had any doubts about that being God's orderly design. My dad was a pastor and I always deeply admired his ministry in the Conservative Baptist denomination. I am very grateful that my father gave me self-confidence, first by giving me a strong name: Ruth Elizabeth (two women who inspired me as a child), and then by believing in me.





As a young woman in college, I had very little idea about what to do with myself when I grew up. I majored in Music because I have musical abilities and I knew I could use music in church ministry. The most exciting classes for me, however, were my Bible and Missions classes and my Music in Worship class. I felt I had found my calling with my Worship class, and I decided to go to seminary after college. I very clearly saw myself as investing in my future volunteer work, not as preparing for a "career" in ministry.





The question of women in leadership was a hot topic among fellow seminarians, and it had become a question in my mind, but not a burning one. By this time, I had been mentored by two female seminary students, had sat under the teaching of numerous female scholars, had experienced years of leadership in student ministries in college, had taught the college Sunday School class at church, and had been the adult mentor/leader of a Christian ministry on a secular campus. This ministry in particular was very exciting and fulfilling to me. I was beginning to take note of strong women in the Bible and question the conservative position on women in ministry, but it was not a crucial issue in my life.





Just as suddenly as seminary was done, I was a new mother and had an overwhelming existence as a housewife always working part-time jobs on the side and busy volunteering my "extra" time to our local church's music and children's programs. While I see being a wife and mother as a sacred calling that gives me much joy and fulfillment, there has still been that nagging question in the back of my mind all along, "What am I going to do with myself when I grow up?" As I get older, I am learning more about my particular spiritual giftings and calling. I do not feel that being a mother is the end-all of my calling, just as being a husband and father is not the end-all of Logan's calling. The harvest is great, but the workers are few. God has work for all of us to do!





There have been a few specific times since seminary that the question of women in leadership has come up for me, but I wont share the details here. At one point, I wrote to my college mentors and was sent this excellent article called "Correcting Caricatures," written by the president of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary when Logan and I were there, and who is a respected authority on the Old Testament. A must read!





So that brings us up to this past winter. After I read, "How I Changed My Mind," I borrowed this book from my Aunt Linda:








J. Lee Grady gives an impassioned plea to the Church to release women in ministry. As a Southern Baptist pastor and journalist, and the father of four daughters, Grady's approach is fiery. He battles age-old discrimination against women and offers interpretations to "difficult passages" that counter the hierarchical view, as well as story after story of women in history who God has used very powerfully in ministry. These examples were striking to me. It began to be very clear to me that either there are thousands of exceptions to "the rule," or there is no rule at all!





For conservative Evangelicals, there is a tendency to see an Egalitarian viewpoint as stemming from Feminism, which is a movement that has been fueled by hatred towards men. They see Egalitarianism as an attack on God's designed order for the Church and home. Women who pursue public ministry are seen as inappropriately trying to seize control or power, and those who offer a differing interpretation of Paul's teaching on women are said to be rewriting Scripture to fit their agenda. I have become very sensitive about resistance to women in ministry, mostly because I have seen how wounding this resistance is to well-meaning women who only want to serve the Lord with their God-given giftings. Their motivation is not hatred, anger, or power. It is love for God and his Church. A couple years ago, I was listening to a preacher on the radio say that he had many friends who believed in women pastors, and he was open minded about their viewpoint. They could do it their way, but he was going to do it God's way! I can assure that the Egalitarians who wrote "How I Changed My Mind," "Ten Lies," and "Correcting Caricatures" are also trying to do things God's way. I hearken back to every one's need for humility! It is frustrating to be misunderstood and unfairly characterized by one's brothers and sisters in Christ.





I was sharing some of my thoughts on women in ministry with "Tammy from Texas" last month, and she recommended that I read, "Why Not Women?" So I did! It opens with an important point. You can have sound logic that is untrue because it is based on a false premise. When a single verse of Scripture is singled out and then we presuppose the author's intent and build a superstructure of belief on that foundation, it can all sound very logical but may not be true.
This was a fascinating book co-written by Loren Cunningham, who founded YWAM with his wife and has the rare distinction of having ministered in every country in the world and of releasing hundreds of thousands into ministry, and by David Joel Hamilton, a scholar of ancient languages and cultures who has studied this issue comprehensively and in-depth--his thesis on this subject cites over 400 sources! It was quite remarkable to read Hamilton's analysis on Jesus' and Paul's teaching on women in regards to how the ancient vs. modern reader would understand it. The technical aspects of the grammar, syntax, etc. are clearly explained so that you come away with the understanding that Paul never intended for a hierarchy of authority in the Church or for women to be excluded from public ministry, even the pastorate.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE read this book! Especially if you find yourself on the other side of the debate from myself. It is important to test the Scriptures and see if what you believe is correct, and we need help to do so as 'modern' readers.

So here I am, at the end of this mental journey, with conclusions that place me squarely in the Egalitarian camp. I understand that this is not an issue on most people's minds...but I passionately believe that it is a critical issue and I hope that I have helped you in some way with your own personal journey toward understanding God's heart in this issue.

Monday, July 04, 2011

Stop that Stinkin' Thinkin'

I wanted to share my sermon notes from yesterday. A young intern named Josiah at our church spoke an excellent word about our thought-life.

He started with the words from a plaque in his guest home:


Watch your thoughts, for they become words.


Watch your words, for they become actions.


Wach your actions, for they become habits.


Watch your habits, for they become character.


Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.




Josiah said that Satan's name, "Diabolos," means "penetrating blows." The "Deceiver's" form of attack is to throw lies at us repeatedly until he penetrates our minds and we believe his lies. So we must renew our minds, taking every thought captive so that the enemy cannot penetrate one single thought.




He talked about the dendrite in our mind that hold our memories. The dendrite in the minds of positive individuas resemble lush trees, while the dentrite in negative individuals resemble thorny bushes. The dendrite impact the proper functioning of our nervous system and are the means for communicating information throughout our entire body. Holding onto anger, bitterness and negative thoughts has a huge effect on our health and the overall well-being of our body, mind and spirit.




In Mark 4, the parable of the sower, Jesus describes different types of soil and how it receives seeds (people). The thorny soil came up to choke the seeds. If we have this negative thought process, we can't receive the seeds that others are trying to sow into our life.




Gaining control of your thought-life is a constant battle. You'll gain control of one thought, then Satan will start throwing a new lie your way. But the Lord has given us freedom!




When our minds change, our words change, and we begin to speak Light and Truth to others. Then our actions change, until our whole character is about Light.




Josiah shared that he used to have a poverty mentality. He hated it when people would ask him for a ride even if it was only a couple of miles, because he didn't want to spend the money on gas. But with this mentality, he realized he didn't have the authority to speak to anyone else about their poverty mentality. He had no authority to disciple or minister to others.




Another negative thought process he had was, "I don't know enough or have enough experience to preach to others." But God had a plan for him! If he kept to himself, he would not effect others' lives, and would essentially be giving them to the enemy.




If there is an ungodly belief, then there is a godly belief to counter it. For instance, Josiah used to say, "I have a terrible memory." Then he read Proverbs 10:7, "The memory of the righteous is blessed." He began to pray for a blessed memory and overtime, his memory has improved. We need to find the truth to fill the hole that the lie left behind in our mind.




He had more to share but was cut-off at this point so the other interns would have time for their remarks. Our Josiah was very impressed to see an "adult Josiah." :)

Friday, July 01, 2011

Real Moms...Real Jesus

I heard a few minutes of Jill Savage on the radio yesterday talking about her new book, Real Moms...Real Jesus. She was talking about how she went back to the Gospels to read about Jesus' life as though she were reading his biography, and something new stuck out to her: He could identify with her life as a mother! He lived surrounded by people, just as moms live surrounded by little ones following her around. I can get so tired of hearing the word, "Mommy!" I just hear it way too much! Jesus had people reaching out to touch him all the time, just as moms never have any personal space but nearly always have little ones cuddling, clinging, nursing...not to mention her husband with the gleam in his eye at bedtime! Jesus was always being given urgent requests that needed immediate attention (Jesus, we need wine! Jesus, can you heal my daughter? etc.), just as moms are always fielding last minute requests. Savage wrote the book to share how Jesus, unlike any other man, can fully understand what a mother's life is like, and to share some of "his strategies" for coping. I am very curious to read this book!

This reminded me of a book I read as a newlywed. It was by Gary Thomas and was called A Sacred Marriage. It talked about how God designed marriage to make you holy, not happy. I vaguely remembe Thomas saying that those who never marry have the freedom to walk with Jesus while married people have the opportunity to become like Jesus (or something along those lines). The dynamics of a healthy family life demand that you put others before yourself. It just doesn't work with a "me first" mentality! When everyone is submitting to others, meeting their needs with love and honor, then the family functions at its best.

Just some interesting things I've been thinking about today. :)

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Wounded, Cheated, Disappointed & Heartbroken

Something that becomes more apparent to me all the time is that everyone has hidden hurts in their life. We're all victims of a fallen world, wounded by the shrapnel of sin. I love Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience, and just read a post she wrote entitled, "When You've been Wounded, Cheated, Disappointed & Heartbroken."

Ann's new book comes highly recommended by my friend Bree. I hope to find time to read it one day! I would like to review some of the books I read this past winter, as I usually do around the end of the year but didn't get around to doing with the new baby and all of my new craziness around here. It's nice for me to be able to look back on the topics I've been thinking about and also I can't help but share a little bit about things I'm learning with others! So maybe sometime this June I'll find the time to do that.

It's beautifully sunny here today. I'm changing over our winter clothes to summer clothes today. An important milestone of the year! I hope you have a blessed Wednesday!

Monday, May 09, 2011

Mother's Day Musings

As a mother, everyday I fail at something. I lose my patience. I over or under react. I don't say the right thing. I am inconsistent. I don't get that stain out. I keep the kids inside too much. I don't feed them the healthiest food all the time. I let them watch too much T.V. I am busy all the time with no tangible results at the end of the day...just more dirty dishes and more laundry and more clutter and messes. It is an overwhelming and tiresome "job." Being a big picture person, I know that my kids are happy and healthy and I'm doing just fine...but I certainly don't feel successful on a day to day basis.


Since I have become a mother, something has bothered me about the Mother's Day church services I've attended. It's become a bit of a pet peeve for me. If I hear another sermon on the Proverbs 31 woman, I just get irritated. Do we honor mother's because they measure up to this standard, or shouldn't we just honor them because they are our mothers? What about those who haven't had a 'good' mother? I also pay close attention for all women to be honored, because every woman in the church is nurturing others in some way, and Mother's Day can be a very painful day for those who wish to be mothers but are not. God often chooses to give some women only spiritual children that they nurture in their walk with the Lord. I have had several spiritual mothers over the years as well as my very special and sweet Mom.

The service at our new church this Sunday was wonderful. The children led the worship, during which they had a time for mothers to come forward and receive prayer for rest and strength. It was good to acknowledge that mothers have the toughest job and they just don't get enough sleep. We need to receive our rest from the Lord.

Then Pastor John preached on the command to honor our mothers and fathers...not because our experience with them has been wonderful, but because God promises to bless us for choosing to honor them. He said we don't honor our parents, both physical and spiritual, so that they will get something from our honor, but so that it will go well with us. Living honorably towards others doesn't change them, it changes us. I was reminded of those people I know who had less than ideal parents, but who don't speak badly of them. Several weeks ago, I watched a sermon by Beth Moore where she talked about when Jesus told his disciples to "Bless those who curse you." In that verse, he used the word eulogia, where we get the word eulogy. We are to speak well of those who hurt us. If we choose to honor our parents, then God promises to reward us for living honorably.

I came away from our Mother's Day service feeling blessed that I do not need to earn my children's honor by being a perfect Proverbs 31 woman. They simply need to choose to honor me. And I can model a life of honor by treating others with honor, speaking well of everyone, especially in front of my children.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Train up your child

Proverbs 22:6 tells us to "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." I heard this verse explained in a sermon a few weeks ago, and it has been on my mind since then. We often think of training as a strenuous, difficult experience. However, the Hebrew for "train" in this verse is the word for when a nursemaid puts a drop of milk on a newborn infants' tongue so that he will want to nurse. She gives him a pleasurable taste of it so that he will want to take up the habit, so to speak. That is so true; if our children have a pleasurable experience learning about God and see their parents find joy in their relationship with the Lord, it is far more likely that they will not turn from their Christian heritage. Churches also need to love on the kids in their care, nurturing them with patience and gentleness. Christianity's prodigals have generally had negative experiences with Christians, making it easy for them to turn away. I know many of my readers are parents of young children, so I wanted to pass along that picture of the nursemaid giving an infant his first taste of milk. Let us train up our children in the way they should go!

Saturday, December 04, 2010

Advent



This year for Advent, we're reading through The Jesus Storybook Bible with the boys. We love how the author has weaved the stories of the Bible into a cohesive story of God's love for his children and his plan to rescue them from the broken world. It is written very well and the illustrations are riveting for the boys. We read a new chapter every night, after a short quiz to make sure they're remembering the previous chapters and are following the build-up to Christ's birth. The boys enjoy our Advent celebrations and it is very meaningful for Logan and me as well. This simple book is reminding me in a profound way of God's great love for us, that he would send his only Son to suffer and die for our sakes, adopting us into his family and giving us an incredible inheritance.


Advent also has me thinking of God's great plan of redemption. How God is working to redeem his creation to its former perfection, and man's broken relationship to him. What peace it brings to know that God is working to mend everything that is not what it should be. In each painful situation in our lives, we can trust him to restore things - without our help, without our input or control. We can let go and trust him to work things out for the good of those who love him. We can trust that when bad things do happen, in the greater scheme of things, God has only allowed them for our good and for his purposes which are perfect. We cannot understand what God has in store for us when bad things happen, just as Joseph could not have pictured himself as a prince of Egypt when his brothers threw him in the well and then sold him into slavery. They meant it for evil, but God meant it for good, to save his people from a terrible famine and protect Christ's geneology. As we celebrate Christ's birth on Christmas morning, we can also celebrate God's great plan of redemption, that he loves us and is working on our behalf. Praise his holy name!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Spiritual Helps

I wanted to share this prayer from my friend Kerrie's blog. She has been sharing Puritan prayers from the book, "The Valley of Vision."


Spiritual Helps

Eternal Father, it is amazing love,
that Thou hast sent Thy Son to suffer in my stead,
that Thou hast added the Spirit
to teach, comfort, guide,
that Thou hast allowed the ministry of angels to wall me round;
all heaven subserves the welfare of a poor worm.

Permit Thy unseen servants to be ever active on my behalf,
and to rejoice when grace expands in me.
Suffer them never to rest until my conflict is over,
and I stand victorious on salvation's shore.
Grant that my proneness to evil,
deadness to good, resistance to Thy Spirit's motions,
may never provoke Thee to abandon me.

May my hard heart awake Thy pity,
not Thy wrath,
And if the enemy gets an advantage through my corruption,
let it be seen that heaven is mightier than hell,
that those for me are greater than those against me.

Arise to my help in richness of covenant blessings,
keep me feeding in the pastures of Thy strengthening Word,
searching Scripture to find Thee there.
If my waywardness is visited with a scourge,
enable me to receive correction meekly,
to bless the reproving hand,
to discern the motive of rebuke,
to respond promptly, and do the first work.

Let all Thy fatherly dealings make me a partaker of Thy holiness.
Grant that in every fall I may sink lower on my knees,
and that when I rise it may be to loftier heights of devotion.
May my every cross be sanctified,
every loss be gain,
every denial a spiritual advantage,
every dark day a light of the Holy Spirit,
every night of trial a song.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Elijah House

Last weekend, my family (Logan and I, my parents, and Uncle Jim and Aunt Linda, plus our friend Leslyn) participated in a retreat hosted by our 'new' friend Tammi from TX. Tammi is a beautiful woman of God, a former missionary, who has been visiting Maine for a little over a year and met us all at the coffee shop. She brought her friend Sue, a licensed prayer minister from WA, to come lead a seminar on material from the Elijah House ministry. I've been wanting to encapsulate some of the material here because it was excellent. But, alas, I'm a busy and tired mommy and I haven't really had a chance to review and regurgitate things yet. For now, I'm copying the "About Us" section from ElijahHouse.org, from which you can get an idea about the content of the retreat last weekend.


About Elijah House

Elijah House was founded with the mandate to restore the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers (Malachi 4:5-6). This is being accomplished by equipping the saints with biblical tools founded upon universal laws in the Word of God, to enable discernment of root issues and allow true healing.

These scriptural and universal laws are as follows:

Honor your father and mother...that your days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with you (Deuteronomy 5:16)

Do not judge, lest you be judged (Matthew 7:1-2)

Whatever a man sows, this he will also reap (Galatians 6:7-8)

For in that you judge another, you condemn yourself (Romans 2:1)

These Universal Laws are as sure as the law of gravity, and we are all subject to them whether or not we believe in them. When we break these laws, we set in motion forces that (without God's intervention) must be reaped by simple, impersonal law—law that is absolute and eternal. In our sinful responses to wounding, we begin early on to develop patterns of behavior that cause us to reap in adulthood the very things we have worked so hard to avoid.

Add to these laws the principle of increase: what we sow (both good and evil) will come back upon us multiplied, “For they sow the wind, and they reap the whirlwind” (Hosea 8:7a NAS). The laws of God are both natural and spiritual. An example in the natural, in physics: "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." In the spiritual: ”Whatever a man sows, this he will also reap” (Galatians 6:7b NAS).

Why do we need to be healed? Although Christ has fully accomplished our death on the cross, our flesh refuses to accept death—it springs back to life: “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15 NAS).

Many Christians have rightly celebrated salvation as a free gift, but have not understood that they are to grow up into it. They have celebrated with Paul that “by one offering He has perfected for all time those who are [being] sanctified” (Hebrews 10:14), not noticing that the second part of that verse is ongoing. They have not understood that sanctification is a process and have not acknowledged with Paul, “Not that I have already obtained it, or have already become perfect, but I press on in order that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:12).

As Christians, we tend to press on in terms of managing behavior rather than renewing our mind and receiving a new heart, which naturally changes behavior. Many have tried to forget "what lies behind" (Philippians 3:13) by ignoring the past rather than by letting the Holy Spirit search the innermost parts of the heart in order to allow Jesus to put deeply ingrained attitudes behind us through His cross. They have attempted to put aside the old self with its practices of anger, wrath, malice and slander, as if these were only external expressions, whereas Jesus called the Pharisees (and us) to "clean the INSIDE of the cup" (Matthew 23:36).

In ministry conducted at Elijah House and imparted through our training, there are several ingredients to facilitate the process of sanctification. All ingredients are grounded in Scripture. At their center are these three, which call us to wholeness:

Confession: bringing to the light what has been held in secret.

Repentance: exercising godly grief based in love for God and for those who have been wounded, resulting in real change.

Forgiveness: releasing to God those who have hurt us, as well as asking Him to forgive us for our own sin.

It is by these three acts that we are reconciled to God and to one another. Christ's work is complete, but God is still at work in our lives. True freedom requires recognizing that many of today's problems have their roots in our sinful responses to yesterday's wounds. These problems cannot easily be erased by fleshly efforts at good behavior. For more in-depth information about sanctification and transformation, read John and Paula Sandford's classic book, Transforming the Inner Man.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Have a little Grace

Here is an excerpt from an article from the website incourage.me that resonated with my desire to see more grace in my own life and in others. The quote on my blog today is "Toleration is the best religion" (Victor Hugo), which is very true if you think in terms of seeing others as Christ sees them, as beautiful beings created in God's image who need to be restored to a right relationship with God, and loving them despite their flawed ideologies or bad behavior. No, we don't need to tolerate sinful lifestyles, but we need to recognize our own sinful attitudes, be humble, and treat other people respectfully. Isn't it true that Christians are often ungracious, enjoying our own faith community while judging other Christians for their differences?

The author is describing the camaraderie among those doing a 5K together, when this happens:

"Just a few moments later, however, the mood changed drastically. A woman drove her car for about 100 yards (very slowly) on the race course to make it from the main road to her driveway. These same people who had been singing kum-bah-ya together (well, not literally) as we walked shoulder-to-shoulder for the great cause of feeding the homeless began yelling obscenities at her and rushing at the car. So much for the holiday spirit.

The woman who drove on the race course was ill-mannered, to be sure; but the crowd's lack of grace struck me as even worse. Our camaraderie suddenly felt meaningless and hollow because acceptance was clearly conditional. "If you're one of us, we'll love you," the message warned, "but if you get in our way beware."

Jesus said, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?"*

We need grace in our society, but grace is more than harnessing road rage. It goes beyond getting off the cell phone when checking out at the cash register. It's not just donating money to a good cause. Jesus calls us to love, and he calls us to love those who are not easy to love. To do that—to be gracious people—we must engage others authentically. We must attempt to see situations from the perspective of others, putting our own agendas aside. And we must humble ourselves."

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Stages of Faith - A Map for the Christian Journey

As an admirer of stage theory and the study of human development, I thought this article was excellent. Logan and I both like this take better than Fowler's "Stages of Faith."

Stages of Faith--A Map for the Christian Journey
By Richard J. Vincent

http://www.theocentric.com/spirituality/christian_living/stages_of_faith_a_map_for_the.html

If you want to get somewhere - especially a place you have never visited - you need a map. A map is a tool to ascertain your current position in respect to your desired destination. It allows you to plot a course that is reliable by highlighting known reference points.

Maps not only record travel over land, but also progress in the journey of life. Mapping stages of human growth is a common way to evaluate a person's current place in life. We instinctively distinguish between the stages of physical human growth: infancy, toddlerhood, childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, middle age, old age. Each stage is common to all human beings (although our personal experience of each stage is unique). A fundamental grasp of the respective advantages and challenges of each stage helps us to recognize that we are "not alone" in our human development - the things we experience are "normal."
Mapping Spiritual Growth

Just as we map physical growth, we can also map spiritual growth. The "twelve steps" of Alcoholics Anonymous is one of the most recognized. The Ladder of Divine Ascent, written by John Climacus in the seventh century, is one of the most ancient. In this book, Climacus describes thirty distinct stages in the Christian life, culminating in the life of love.

The classic mystic pattern of growth is more streamlined, involving three stages: purgation, illumination, and union. Put even more simply, the active life (purgation) leads to the contemplative life (illumination, union). St. John of the Cross modified the classic three-fold pattern by adding "the dark night of the soul" between illumination and union. In a more contemporary vein, Brian McLaren presents a simple map in his book Finding Faith: simplicity, complexity, perplexity, humility.

All faith maps recognize the importance and potential of further spiritual growth. The difference between a living and dead entity boils down to one fundamental truth: living things grow. A person is not alive simply because he or she was born sometime in the past. A person is alive if he or she thrives in the present. This is especially true for the Christian journey. The Christian journey allows for no standing still. If you are not growing in the Christian life, you are dying. There is no middle ground. Therefore, a biblical understanding of what constitutes spiritual growth is vital to healthy Christian development.

The Scriptures speak of graces capable of growth. The virtues the Holy Spirit implants in the heart of the Christian are capable of increase.

--Faith: "Your faith is greatly enlarged" (2 Thes. 1:3). "As your faith grows" (2 Cor. 10:15)
--Love for other Christians: "As to the love of the brethren... excel still more" (1 Thes. 4:9-10). "The love of each one of you toward one another grows ever greater" (2 Thes. 1:3)
--Love for all people: "Increase and abound in love for one another, and for all men" (1 Thes. 3:12)
--Knowledge of God: "Increasing in the knowledge of God" (Col. 1:10)
--Christlikeness: "Grow up in all aspects into Him" (Eph. 4:15). "Christ is formed in you" (Gal. 4:19)
--Knowledge and Discernment: "Your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment" (Phil. 1:9)
--Obedience: "You ought to walk and please God... excel still more" (1 Thes. 4:1)
--Salvation: "Grow in respect to salvation" (1 Pet. 2:2)
--Grace: "Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ" (2 Peter 3:17-18)

All of this growth is a product of the process of renewal begun and sustained by the Holy Spirit (Romans 12:2; Col. 3:10). We are "being renewed day by day" (2 Cor. 4:16). This transformative work will never come to an end. It continues "from glory to glory" (2 Cor. 3:18).

In The Critical Journey: Stages in the Life of Faith, authors Janet Hagberg and Robert Guelich offer a model to help understand and navigate growth in the Christian life. I find their model most helpful because it incorporates insights from the last two thousand years of the Christian spiritual tradition. This results in a complete map that covers all the highlights of the Christian journey.

According to Hagberg and Guelich, the "critical journey" is "life itself," an "individual's spiritual journey" which the authors define as "our response to or faith in God with the resulting life changes" (xv). Because our relationship with God is fluid and dynamic our experience is continual and expanding. The "reception of God into our lives effects a continual process of growth rather than a point of arrival" (4). Spiritual growth is neither instant nor easy. It is a journey, and a "journey involves process, action, movement, change, experiences, stops and starts, variety, humdrum and surprises. For us a journey implies more than a quick trip from point A to point B" (5).

An Introduction to "Stage Model" Theory
In order to benefit from the six-stage model Hagberg and Guelich propose in The Critical Journey, one must possess an introductory knowledge of "stage model" theory.

Stage model theory is descriptive rather than prescriptive. The authors do not "offer any formulas for spiritual growth" but rather hope to "describe the various phases of our spiritual journey and illustrate how people act and think when in those phases" (xviii).

The stages are "sequential and cumulative." Like the rings of a tree, each stage builds developmentally on the previous stage (8). Just as in normal human development, later stages are not necessarily better: "we are not inherently better people as adults than we were as children" (8).

Each person possesses a specific "home stage," a stage "where we operate most of the time and which best characterizes our life of faith" (9). However, our experience is not quite so tidy. The stages on the journey are very fluid. We move back and forth between them regularly, and we can experience more than one stage at the same time. The orderliness of the model (stages 1-6) suggests only the sequence in which we experience the stages as we proceed on the journey. For instance, we do not begin the journey at stage 3. We begin at stage 1. (7) When we revisit earlier stages, our experience will often be deeper or more personal than the first time: "we experience more depth each time we recycle through the stages at a higher place on the spiral" (9).

According to stage theory, we can intellectually grasp the stage immediately ahead of us but not truly comprehend a stage that is two stages further along than our own. Therefore, those at later stages will often be misunderstood by those at earlier stages. Likewise, those at later stages will be tempted to look down upon those at earlier stages.

The authors clearly admit that stage model theory has limitations. The model is "a loose guide" (xix) that is "fuzzy" with "much overlap" (xx). It is but "one way to illuminate the path of faith... [but] by no means the only way" (6). Certainly, individuals will experience each stage differently than others, yet, in spite of the differences, there is enough similarity in the spirituality journey that an accurate map is useful in providing direction.

The First Three Stages: The External Journey
The critical journey is composed of six stages. The first three are primarily external; the second three, internal. In the first three stages, our faith or our spirituality takes its expression most frequently in ways that are prescribed by external standards, whether by the Church, a specific spiritual leader, a book, or a set of principles... Stages 4 through 6 represent a difficult personal transformation and reemerging that require a rediscovery on a different level of what faith and spirituality are all about. These are inner healing stages (spiritually and psychologically) for which the journey cannot be prescribed. (11)

Stage 1 "is the discovery and recognition of God" (33). Accepting the reality of God can begin while one is young, or it can occur later through a religious experience or conversion. This conversion can be instantaneous or can occur over a long period of time.

Our first experience of God is wonderful and refreshing in its newness. Regardless of our age, however, it seems true that most begin the journey in a childlike way. We come to it with an innocence, a freshness, that is seldom ever again as vivid or vital. Consider the way we feel during the first stage of a romance or new friendship. Swept away by the experience of the relationship, we do not look at any of the negative aspects. (33)

Stage 2 is "a time of learning and belonging" labeled "the life of discipleship" (53). It primarily involves learning in a community setting from spiritual leaders or religious writings. "Now, we stumble upon a set of ideas, a belief system or a group of people who show us the light and answer our questions. It is such a big relief and feels so safe and secure - like a haven in a storm. And for now, that is what we need." (46)

Stage 3 is "the productive life" and involves consciously serving God through one's spiritual gifts. The truths learned at stage 2 find an outlet in service at stage 3.

Most evangelical models of Christian growth stop here. The implication is that the pinnacle of Christian maturity is faithful, committed service (usually in the context of a church). The most committed people serve professionally in the church. However, it is obvious that a person can arrive at this stage and still be self-serving, legalistic, immature, and inwardly unhealed. Christian service is not the best determiner of spiritual maturity. This is the value of Hagberg and Guelich's model. According to them, "the productive life" is important, but it is not the goal. Indeed, on the map of the Christian journey, those at this stage are only half-way there!

Stage Four: The Journey Inward
Stage 4 is "the journey inward" - "a deep and very personal inward journey" that "almost always comes as an unsettling experience yet results in healing for those who continue through it" (93). In this stage, our former views of God are radically challenged. The disruption can be so great that we feel like we are losing our faith or betraying loyalties.

At this stage, we face an abrupt change (at least many do) to almost the opposite mode. It's a mode of questioning, exploring, falling apart, doubting, dancing around the real issues, sinking in uncertainty, and indulging in self-centeredness. We often look hopeless to those around us. (93)
This newfound (and often surprising) uncertainty is usually precipitated by a crisis. "The move from stage 3 to 4 is more likely precipitated by a crisis in our life or our faith. That crisis makes many of the former truths and answers inadequate or inappropriate for the next phase in the journey" (83). The crisis "shakes our strongly held beliefs or assumptions and we feel adrift on a restless sea, fending for ourselves. Our sense of God is shaken and we can find no new direction, only more questions" (197).

The crisis shocks our system. We lose comfort and question our convictions as our previous faith-supports crumble before our very eyes. For the first time, our faith does not seem to work. We feel remote, immobilized, unsuccessful, hurt, ashamed, or reprehensible. Neither our faith nor God provides what we need to sooth us, heal us, answer our prayers, fulfill our wishes, change our circumstances, or solve our problems. Our formula of faith, whatever that may have been, does not work any more, or so it appears. (94)

Why does advancing to this stage usually demand a crisis? The reason is simple: No one would choose this kind of experience on their own! Most of us are so comfortable and self-sufficient at the previous stage (called the productive or fruitful life) that we have no natural tendency to move at all. In fact, stage 4 does not even look like part of the journey for those of us at home in stage 3. It does not appear to be an extension of our faith and growth. Consequently, we are not drawn in this direction. (94)

Our aversion to stage 4 is increased because of the very real dangers that accompany this stage. "Sometimes people drop off the journey totally at this point. Overwhelmed by pain or crises in our lives, we absolutely cut ourselves off from God" (107).

The end of stage 4 involves an experience of "the Wall" - "a face-to-face experience with God and with our own will" (93). It is impossible to go over, around, or under the Wall. One can only go through it. "The Wall experience is the place where... psychology and spirituality converge. Up to this point, one can be religious, spiritual, or fruitful and not be healed psychologically, or vice versa" (115).

At the Wall, we become "aware of all the lies we have accepted about ourselves" (121). We are forced to "face the truth" in order to move forward. "The Wall invites us to integrate our spiritual selves with the rest of us. And that involves facing our own and others' demons. We must face that which we fear the most, and that is why it is so unsavory, and why so many people only enter the Wall under duress" (233).

Only through self-acceptance and surrender to God's will can one go "through" the Wall to deeper levels of spiritual growth. "The power behind the transformation at the Wall is this: learn to embrace your whole story with loving, forgiving detachment" (234). We must accept ourselves with all our wounds and imperfections. We must experience God's love and acceptance of us as we are in all our weakness and humanness. And then we must fully and completely surrender to God's will, even though we remain in the dark.

An example of the spiritual/psychological healing and transformation that occurs is the realization that fixing others, overhelping others, codependency, or excessive enabling of others is not selfless service. These motivations have unhealthy roots. They betray a sense of low self-esteem, a desire to control. (119)

If the description of the experience of the Wall and the solution to the challenges it provokes seems ambiguous, it is intended to be. The authors are aware of the great amount of mystery that surrounds this point of the Christian journey. So the mystery of the Wall remains a mystery. We sit in awe of the process of surrendering and going through the Wall. But, as we emerge, we are able to move along on our journeys with much less clarity about the direction and much more assurance of not having to be in charge of our lives. We are being transformed, turned inside out. (128)

Surprisingly, through doubts and difficulties we come to know God and ourselves better. Communicating this stage to others who have not experienced it is difficult. People at stage 1 can't imagine such an experience. Those at stage 2 view it as a lack of conviction. Believers at stage 3 wonder whether we have become apostate altogether. It is hard for those at previous stages to recognize that doubt is not disbelief - doubt is faith taking itself seriously. Willfulness, not doubt, is the opposite of faith.

The Journey Outward Again: Stage Five and Stage Six
Stage 5 is "the journey outward" where our "focus is outward, but from a new, grounded center of ourselves" (133). At this stage, "we surrender to God's will to fully direct our lives, but with our eyes wide open, aware but unafraid of the consequences" (133). We possess a new-found confidence that God loves us fully, just as we are. "There is a human tendency to think that if God really knew us God would not love us... At stage 5 we grow into the full awareness that God truly loves us even though we are never fully whole. God loves us in our humanness" (134).

With newfound inward resources, we "venture outside our self-interests to others" (133). We are weak, but whole. Aware of our faults, we are confident that God will work through us.
Wholeness looks a lot like weakness at this stage. Wholeness does not make us stronger; it allows God to work through our weaknesses. Wholeness means being very aware of our faults but not letting them trip us... God can use us most in our brokenness, a truth that was very hard to accept until the Wall experience. (135)

To those still at earlier stages, we appear impractical, inefficient, and out of touch.
Frequently, we appear to be impractical and out of touch with reality. The way the world functions around us, people who are other directed, whole, selfless, and called by God are counterculture. When we love people despite their having failed miserably in our society for whatever reason, we are called naïve; when we stay with the grieving, we are considered caretakers; when we give money away, we are considered poor managers; when we yield, we are considered noncompetitive; when we let go, we are considered weak. We just do not fit with the realistic expectations of a world that is out to be productive and to win. Even the productive Christians at earlier stages in the journey think we at stage 5 have lost our edge...

At stage 5 we are not as oriented toward productivity with outward signs or products. Consequently, we appear less productive and slightly isolated. We are in fact quite active. But we have a tendency to do things behind the scenes or on a one-to-one basis. We never realize that we are hardly noticed. This style can be very confusing and even frustrating for those who want us to be leaders in the more traditional way. (144-145)

Stage 6 is "the life of love" where God's love is demonstrated through us "to others in the world more clearly and consistently than we ever thought possible" (152). By losing ourselves, we find ourselves. God's presence is experienced in all relationships. Our times alone with God come during the quiet times away as well as in the everyday, unceasing conversations. We have little ambition for being well known, rich, successful, noteworthy, goal-oriented, or "spiritual"... We are Spirit-filled but in a quiet, unassuming way. (153)

We love with great compassion modeled after God's love. We live with less and delight in doing menial tasks. At stage 6 we can reach far beyond our own capacity and love our fellow human beings with deep compassion, because we know that all come from and are loved by God. As Jesus was compassionate even in Gethsemane, at his trial, and on the cross, so we are compassionate under extreme hardship...

At stage 6 we become aware that the more of God we have, the less of everything else we need. We do not renounce material possession. We simply learn to need them less; we become detached from things and people as props or bolstering devices...We are full of surprises because we are so free, so full of God, and so whole. We can say or do preposterous things because we are not afraid of death. We can deliberately give up our lives, materially, physically, mentally, and emotionally for the service of others without feeling afraid of the deep loss. (154-155, 156)

Our expression of love is selfless rather than needy. We love without the need to be loved in return. We passionately love others in a dispassionate (disinterested, detached) way. We are not egocentric (self-centered), but theocentric (God-centered), christocentric (Christ-centered), and eccentric (others-centered). We love others, not for our sake, but for their own sake; not with our goodness in mind, but with their goodness in mind.

Having shed the false self - a self rooted in possessions, accomplishments, and human acceptance - we embrace our true self, that of being eternally and fully loved by God.

Insights from the Six-Stage Model
Embracing Hagberg and Guelich's six-stage model sheds light on the Christian journey. It demonstrates that:

The stages are normal. For those who are unfamiliar with the normalcy of stage 4 in Christian experience, their newfound doubts feel like an abandonment of faith rather than faith's rediscovery and enriching. A faith-map that helps them see this as a normal and necessary step along the way to the life of love is priceless.

Growth is painful. Ask any person who is currently transitioning between childhood and adolescence and he or she will affirm this wholeheartedly. Growth comes at a price. It involves more than enthusiasm. It involves commitment, determination, and perseverance. Although we may desire to grow rapidly, our awareness of the difficulty involved in the transition from one stage to another should curb our desires to move ahead too quickly.

After reading about the stages on the journey, you may find yourself wanting to move because it looks better or will move you further along on the journey. This for many is a natural response, especially at stages 2 and 3. But look at some of the consequences. Moving from one stage to another always causes confusion. We are in a time of limbo between two stages. We may find it exhilarating and exhausting. Nothing seems certain. Something undefined lies ahead. Frequently, the move means loneliness, and can be very upsetting... though the change may be welcomed, it leads over an emotionally rocky road. (14-15)

Maturity takes time and experience. There is no quick fix to spiritual maturity. There is no silver bullet to a deep, intimate relationship with God. Instant intimacy is an oxymoron. Just as in any human relationship, deeper trust and intimacy only comes through trials, struggles, and periods of doubt. The "critical journey" proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that real growth only comes through the crucible of suffering.

A Higher Call Than Service
Most, if not all, contemporary evangelical models of growth climax at stage 3. For example, the "Purpose Drive Church" model assumes that a person is spiritually mature when they are part of the "committed core" - serving in and through the church according to their gifts.

But it is entirely possible (and indeed, quite probable) that many people minister for selfish reasons. Church activity is not an indicator of maturity. Busyness in church activities does not automatically lead to spiritual growth.

The church primarily focuses on stages 1 through 3 because the contemporary church is best equipped for these stages. The church is generally best at working with people in stages 1 through 3, so the fact that the highest number of people is in stage 2 fits with how the church sees itself. It does raise some issues through, as to what and how the church relates to people beyond stage 3. So many people leave the church when they experience stage 4 or the Wall, since there are few resources or programs available for them, and they feel estranged when the faith they held dear does not work for them any more. (187)

In his book, Exit Interviews, William D. Hendricks demonstrates that most of the dechurched (those who formerly attended or even served in a local church but have since left church-life altogether) have not lost faith in God. They have lost faith in the church. They have "grown disillusioned with the church and other institutions of Christianity" and have "lost the energy and enthusiasm they once had for programs of spiritual development." Consequently, they "are now looking elsewhere to meet their deepest spiritual needs" (Exit Interview, 11).

The dechurched leave primarily because they are disillusioned with the church. They claim it is not "spiritual" enough - that it is stunting their growth. Perhaps we should take their criticism seriously. Maybe the dechurched have exposed a very real weak spot in many evangelical churches - a stunted model of spiritual formation that leaves little room for questions, doubts, and rediscovery. Could it be that the stunted growth of the evangelical church comes from a stunted model of spiritual formation?

© Richard J. Vincent, 2004

Monday, May 18, 2009

Gossip

I love Wikipedia! Whenever I have a question about something, I start my search at Wikipedia. I didn't know about it until Stephen Colbert was making fun of it all the time on "The Colbert Report", but it's been reliable in my own experience.

Gossip seems to be a universal crime against people's dignity and sacredness as beings created in the image of God. I am often guilty of gossip myself; it's a temptation we all face to hurt others with our tongues. We should ask ourselves, "What is my motivation for sharing this information? Am I being loving and respectful of the person I am talking about?" Gossip can be devastating to those who are victimized by it, and can be devisive to the unity of a community. Our purpose as Christians is twofold: Love God and Love others. When we gossip, we violate the greatest Commandment. Gossip is not a reliable source of information. It is always critical to base judgements on 'fair and balanced' investigations of fact. Go to the source!!!

The following is the Wikipedia article on Gossip. I have edited it down some; if you want to read the whole article or see the bibliography, go to http://en.Wikipedia.org/wiki/Gossip. I thought the Workplace Gossip and Gossip in Islam sections were particularly interesting.
_________________________________________________________
Gossip is idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. It forms one of the oldest and most common means of sharing (unproven) facts and views, but also has a reputation for the introduction of errors and other variations into the information transmitted. The term is sometimes used to specifically refer to the spreading of dirt and misinformation, as (for example) through excited discussion of scandals.

Etymology
The word is from Old English godsibb, from god and sibb, the term for godparents, i.e. a child's godfather or godmother. In the 16th century, the word assumed the meaning of a person, mostly a woman, one who delights in idle talk, a newsmonger, a tattler.[2] In the early 19th century, the term was extended from the talker to the conversation of such persons. The verb to gossip, meaning "to be a gossip", first appears in Shakespeare.

Functions of gossip
This Soviet war poster conveys the message: "Don't chatter! Gossiping borders on treason" (1941).
Gossip can serve to:
normalise and reinforce moral boundaries in a speech-community
foster and build a sense of community with shared interests and information
build structures of social accountability
be used as a form of passive aggression, as a tool to isolate and harm others
provide a peer-to-peer mechanism for disseminating information in organizations

Workplace gossip
Peter Vajda identifies gossip as a form of workplace violence, noting that it is "essentially a form of attack." Accordingly, many companies have formal policies in their employee handbooks against gossip. Sometimes there is room for disagreement on exactly what constitutes unacceptable gossip, since workplace gossip may take the form of offhand remarks about someone's tendencies such as "He always takes a long lunch," or "Don’t worry, that’s just how she is." TLK Healthcare cites as examples of gossip, "tattletailing to the boss without intention of furthering a solution or speaking to co-workers about something someone else has done to upset us." Corporate email can be a particularly dangerous method of gossip delivery, as the medium is semi-permanent and messages are easily forwarded to unintended recipients; accordingly, a Mass High Tech article advised employers to instruct employees against using company email networks for gossip. Low self-esteem and a desire to "fit in" are frequently cited as motivations for workplace gossip. Some negative consequences of workplace gossip may include:
Lost productivity and wasted time,
Erosion of trust and morale,
Increased anxiety among employees as rumors circulate without any clear information as to what is fact and what isn’t,
Growing divisiveness among employees as people “take sides,"
Hurt feelings and reputations,
Jeopardized chances for the gossipers' advancement as they are perceived as unprofessional, and
Attrition as good employees leave the company due to the unhealthy work atmosphere.
Turner and Weed theorize that among the three main types of responders to workplace conflict are attackers who cannot keep their feelings to themselves and express their feelings by attacking whatever they can. Attackers are further divided into up-front attackers and behind-the-back attackers. Turner and Weed note that the latter "are difficult to handle because the target person is not sure of the source of any criticism, nor even always sure that there is criticism."


Gossip in Judaism
Main article: Lashon hara
Judaism considers gossip spoken without a constructive purpose (known in Hebrew as lashon hara) as a sin. Speaking negatively about people, even if retelling true facts, counts as sinful, as it demeans the dignity of man — both the speaker and the subject of the gossip.
According to Proverbs 18:8: "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels: they go down to a man's innermost parts."


Gossip in Islam
Islam considers backbiting the equivalent of eating the flesh of one's dead brother. According to Muslims, backbiting harms its victims without offering them any chance of defence, just as dead people cannot defend against their flesh being eaten. Muslims are expected to treat each other like brothers, deriving from Islam's concept of brotherhood amongst its believers and non believers.


Gossip in Christianity
Christianity condemns all kinds of gossip that seeks to use information to harm another person. The Epistle to the Romans associates gossips ("backbiters") with a list of sins including sexual immorality and with murder:
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; 29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, 30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: 32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. (Romans 1:28-32)
Jesus also taught, in Matthew 18, that conflict resolution among church members ought to begin with the aggrieved party attempting to resolve their dispute with the offending party alone. Only if this did not work would the process escalate to the next step, in which other church members would become involved. In no case did Jesus authorize exposing faults to other people besides the person at fault. Since "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23), Christians are called to loving forgiveness and the spread of positive information rather than evil gossip that destroys relationships.


Gossip in Hindu Jain and Budhism
Gossip is Hinsa (violence) as even a thought against some one is a paap (sin)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Reflections of a Pastor's Kid

ok, if you're visiting the blog to see pictures of the most adorable boys in the universe, as voted by the perry household, just scroll past this post of musings....i don't usually use this blog as a journal but am feeling nostalgic today. :)

my dad resigned from his pastorate and in the midst of the holiday season, multiple attacks of the flu, a missions trip to africa and family death, my parents have been trying to move from their 10 room parsonage into a 3 room (very cute!) apartment downtown. this has been a huge task!!! i was cleaning it over the weekend and was flooded with memories from this house, which has been our family's home since the spring of 1995, when i was finishing up my eigth grade. it is overwhelming to see it empty, after serving as an integral element of my parents' ministry for almost 14 years. so many pop-ins, the phone ringing off the hook, individuals coming to be discipled and counseled, guests for meals...i figured that if my parents had five people over every week for a meal for 13 years, that would be 3,500 hundred people. but that is a very modest guesstimate, considering multiple meals in a given week, usually with more than five people invited! considering all of this activity, the house seems hollow now, and my parents are adjusting well to the quiet life that most people enjoy in their homes, or 'sanctuaries from the world.'

as i was vaccuuming my old bedroom, i remembered my first night in the house. i was laying on my bed, a little fearful of a new life in boothbay, but feeling inspired and awe struck by the most fantastic spring thunderstorm outside. it was exciting to be starting fresh somewhere! before boothbay, my family had lived in six other places since my birth as the Lord directed my parents to new ministry opportunities. establishing nearly 14 years of roots has been a special experience for my family!

i've been thinking a lot about 'what church is' over the past few years. certainly our purpose is to 'glorify God and enjoy Him forever' (john piper), but i think a big purpose of a church is living 'life together' (the title of dietrich bonhoeffer's amazing book), walking together on our Christian journey, encouraging, uplifting, and challenging each other to grow and mature, and spurring each other on to do good deeds.

i have so many precious memories of life together with the church in boothbay. what a special thing to be a part of a church family! that bond that we have in Christ is so extraordinary. the trust, fearlessness and joy that you can share in relationship when Christ is the glue. my first sunday school teachers were pam townsend and marilyn sewall. my first and dearest friend was lucy tabbutt (now unger). what fun to play with lucy and doug at harborfields! the men and women in the church felt like uncles and aunts, and even surrogate mothers. i loved having company at our house, and being involved in the youth group, church ministries and mission trips. i loved growing from a kid in the youth group to a mother in the women's group, and utilizing my gifts in the church. life together in boothbay was characterized by laughter, so much laughter! it was beautiful, and i was so proud of my parents.

i have had a very idealistic view of the church because of these wonderful experiences and memories. the past year has been very educational in that regard! God certainly does work all things for good for those who love Him. i joke with logan that God brought us to boothbay for 'ministry bootcamp,' because the lessons we've learned have been priceless. a big one has been the value of church discipline, because 'a little leaven will leaven a lump,' and because you only help your brothers and sisters when you correct them and set them back in the right direction. the biggest lesson by far, however, has been the importance of clear communication. church conflict is like any other conflict. i felt much like a child watching their parent's relationship disintegrate into divorce, feeling the frustration of knowing that the heart of the problem is miscommunication or no communication at all, that they are misunderstanding each other and viewing things from the irrational perspective of hurt and gossip. satan's greatest weapons against the church are persecution and deception (according to my favorite seminary professor, dr. mcdonough), and as benjamin franklin once said, 'a half truth adds up to a big lie.' when you misunderstand the intentions of someone else, it is easy to vililfy them and manifest hurts where no hurt was ever intended. nothing is more helpful with conflict than when the individuals involved speak directly to each other as soon as possible, so that sides are not drawn and gossip doesn't distort reality. the dangerous thing about misunderstanding someone else is that you then make assumptions about them, and "you know what happens when you assume something: you make an a_ _ out of you and me!" :)

last year, i felt abandoned and cut off from my church family, and i had to grieve that loss. now i am to the place where i can cherish those fond memories and trust that God will bring healing both to the church and to my family, in His perfect timing. my hope is that as people from the church prepare the parsonage for the next pastor, they will be reminded of the laughter shared with the mcnutts in that place, and hearts will be softened. as we all continue to grow and mature in our Christian walk, i pray that grace will abound. we have all made tragic mistakes and must fall on His mercy to forgive and work this for good. conflict can be a tremendous opportunity, if you learn from it and grow stronger because of it.

let us all become less, so that He can become more.